day 5 & 6

I missed yesterdays post because I was at a women’s retreat at the beach. I was only planning to stay and then come home in the evening. The retreat started Friday and ended today. I didn’t think I would be able to handle the whole retreat. Looking back, I would have done just fine. There were only three other girls and it was really laid back. We went to the beach for a while and I took a walk with another girl and really got to really go deep into some subjects in each others lives. I will definitely be going on the next one. It really meant a lot that the girls were so accepting of me and my awkwardness. I felt bad for waking up and leaving immediately, but I really needed to come home and take my meds I missed.
Now onto today. I woke up and realized my sunburn was much worse than I thought. I didn’t get any blisters so I’m ok. It also gives me a reason not to shave. Yay! The ex texted me on the way home. I got home and starting texting back. I was all nice and upbeat at first but that didn’t stay around long. I asked why, after so many months, did he start talking to me again. apparently that was a bad question and it just opened up a huge can of worms. The end result was I’m too paranoid and he’s done talking to me. It actually doesn’t really bother me that much. Maybe it’s time for me to move on completely and let something new in my life. I’m beginning to think this is a toxic relationship. I stupidly hold out hope that somehow some way, we’ll get back together and everything will be happy and perfect. Let’s face it, that’s not going to happen. I think I’m going to apologize and move on. I need to surrender it to God.
Even tho I had that massive text blow up and my itchy sunburn I’m happy and content today. I know it has a lot to do with the retreat. Getting to know them a little better and just relaxing was much-needed. Hopefully the rest of the week will bring me peace and serenity as well.


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