A Crazy Post

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. Too busy? Nah. Too depressed and sleeping all the time yes. Not much has gone on and everything has gone on. I met with a doctor from UThealth last Wednesday to talk about ect treatment. If I’m medically cleared I’m definitely going to do it. I see my internist Monday to make sure I’m healthy enough to go under anesthesia. I’m so hopeful that I’ll be able to try this. I feel so hopeless. I can’t get stabilized. It’s been too hard and long for me to go on without changing something drastic. 

I found out tonight my last boyfriend would like hormone replacement therapy. He even has a go fund me account. Eww. This just makes me sick.  Before we dated he said he was bisexual. Then he changed and told me it was just a phase. He liked girls. The last time I talked to him I found out he’d had sex with another guy. It didn’t surprise me but I did slightly cringe. Tonight I find an Instagram account where he is an administrator of that is all about LGBT. So I’m confused. Is he bisexual? Wants to be transgendered? I think he is very confused. It is very common for people with Borderline Personality Disorder to be confused and question their sexuality. He’s young and I think that’s the case here. I doubt his family knows yet, but when they do, I think they will be crushed. 

On a much lighter note, my niece is coming to stay with us for a week. I’m so excited! I can’t wait to draw and paint and have tea parties and play in the pool and garden, the list could go on and on. She is so sweet and there’s never a dull moment when she’s around. I’m hoping to do a photo shoot and surprise her parents with some awesome prints or a book. 

I just pray I can break free from this depression. I feel like I’ve become a prisoner of my own bedroom. I’m having arguments with my mom about my medications and my dad is constantly an ass to me. ECT please work!

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