Missing

I don’t love myself. I finally figured out why I become so depressed sometimes. Of course I have my highs and lows because of the bipolar. At the end of the day it comes down to self loathing and not being comfortable in my own skin. I hate that I’m fat, my face turns red so easily. I hate that I always seem to say the wrong thing. I can’t remember a lot and become tongue tied from the ECT. People look at me like I’m stupid because of that. 

I’m afraid my ex only wants to be back with me because he doesn’t think he can do better. When he finds someone, he’ll drop me faster than a hot pan. 

As a result of hating myself I go on spending sprees, binge and over eat, and abuse klonopin. I need help but I don’t think anyone wants to take the time on such a pathetic piece of garbage. 

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