What does it take to be happy?

My heart aches tonight. It’s that ache you get when you lose someone important in your life. Odd thing is, I don’t remember losing anyone lately. Now, this could most definitely be from having bilateral ECT yesterday. I could have just lost my best friend or greatest lover and not remember. 

The question to ask is whether this is a gift or a curse. I’ve been reading up on right unilateral vs bilateral ECT today. From all my reading I came up with a couple of conclusions. I’m going to have memory loss with both methods. It’s going to suck a lot more from bilateral. Yay. I still think I made the correct decision. It was either bilateral or nothing. I don’t know what I’ll do when my tolerance becomes too high for this too. At least I’m in one of the best cities for medicine. 

I’m determined to have a great week. My little bro came home from school this afternoon. It should be a relaxing time with him. He really makes sure I’m ok and does what he can to make me feel better. What a true gift he is. I go back to php tomorrow. We have Thursday off and go back Friday. All my friends have graduated or won’t be there. It’s going to be a challenge for me to open up and share; I’m ready. I need to move this week too. We’ll just see what the doctor says tomorrow. Hopefully, he’ll think it’s a good time now. 

Songs for tonight:

  • Dancing on my own Ben Clark 
  • You’ll be ok A Great Big World
  • Say something A Great Big World
  • Slow down time Us The Duo
  • You’re perfect Andie Case
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