Face down in the dirt she says, This doesn’t hurt She says, I finally had enough

Face Down The Red Jumpsuit Aparatus

I’m at php today. Everyone from my group is absent, so I’m stuck with the low functioning group. Deep breathing is definitely my friend. I have gotten a bit advice that is completely life changing. The therapist for this group went to school where Brene Brown taught. I was sharing how I bottle up everything that annoys me. I take it and take it until I explode. It goes one of two ways. I’ll either completely lose my cool and go off in some yelling, demon- possessed way or send them a horrible text in which I tell them our friendship (or whatever it is) is over. Both bad. Both burn bridges. So the gist is to choose discomfort over remaining in the moment and letting resentment take over. It can be totally awkward to get up and leave the room or tell someone what’s annoying you at the time. If you just keep it in, you’ll start hating everything about the person. I turn into a powder keg ready to explode. Friendships are meant to change over time but not for every one of them to end because I finally lost my mind. 

Today was hard. It was challenging. It was life changing. I’ve finally had enough of my old life. So I might get uncomfortable a little more often. I’ve finally had enough and am starting to get to get excited about my future. In time I think I might revisit some old friendships that I used to really value. I can only hope and pray they will give me a second chance. M


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