Why me? The question that everyone with a mental illness asks. What did I do to deserve this? Why God? What cosmic force is getting even with me?
I’ve been doing well, super well. Too well? It’s not like mania has reared its ugly head. Exercise, eat well, take my meds, go to support groups, hang out with friends. Check, check and more checks. Something I’m doing is wrong.
My mind is plagued with suicidal thoughts and plans. I just want to cry out to someone, anyone to make it stop. A physical pain always rushes through my head, my heart, and down through my stomach. Is suicide the cure?
Friendships fade. Family leaves. Everyone moves on while I’m still hurting.