People don’t understand what I’m trying to say when I say I hate people. “I find people incredibly interesting and I yearn for for close and intimate relationships.” That’s what I wish I could tell them. There’s just just one little problem. I don’t know what bizzare quirk there is about me but it just seems that no one likes me. I mean, yeah, I know I’m fat and am not the prettiest person. I’m definitely am not the smartest or funniest by far. But neither is almost all of the rest of the population.
Last week I had a girl, whom I considered one of my closest friends, text me she doesn’t want to be my friend. It shocked me so much that I haven’t be able to really decompress from the text. I’ve just pushed it aside until I can dissect what I did to fuck another relationship up so bad.
So, I guess I’m down to three friends. I highly suspect one of the three will dump me to the curb when another of his friends moves down here. That’s ok. I’m already preparing for this. One of the others I see once every month or so. We don’t expect anymore out of each other so that’s fine (of course I secretly wish we could be closer but it’s stupid to push and wind up with her gone). I’ve been friends with the third one for a couple of years now. We have dinner almost once a week before support group. It’s nothing too personal, but it’s nice nonetheless.
I won’t even go into dating. It would require so many things to happen. I think world peace will happen before anyone could ever be the slightest interested in me. Romantic relationships and me are like oil and water.