I haven’t felt the urgency to write and let my thoughts flow freely recent. Things have been going on an upward swing I guess. The suicidal ideations haven’t gone away but I think I’m dealing with them better. It’s easier for me to rationalize these are just passing thoughts, not actions I have to do.
I had the pleasure of going to the gastroenterologist yesterday. You would think talking about poop would be easy there. Well it’s not. When asked why I came in I just did the blank stare thing for a second or two. After explaining my symptoms the doc said he didn’t know what’s wrong with me and scheduled a colonoscopy. This is what I figured would happen (I’ve had a few others tell me I need one). So, next Thursday will be filled of joyful sedation. It’s the two days prior that’s what sucks. Hopefully after all these years of problems we can figure out what’s wrong.
Today is the psychiatrist. I’m looking forward to this one. I’m not sleeping. I need to sleep. I think it’s making me lose my mind. Remembering simple things is difficult (like most of my vocabulary). I know lack of sleep affects so many things. You can only run on autopilot for so long. I’ll bring up ECT to see if maybe that can reset me. My doctor called me Monday evening and we talked about my lack of sleep. He put me on 50 mg of Seroquel. It hasn’t helped. Can’t wait for 3 this afternoon!
Off to read some more or watch another documentary. Maybe I’ll even cook some breakfast.
I don’t remember where I got this, but I love it