I made it through the weekend. I’ve made it through the week. There has been some really highs and lows, but I’m still here. No hospital stay, no even changing of meds.Maybe I’m skeptically optimistic. Tonight is the second night back at my place. My parents text or call many times a day to check up on me. I feel like such a burden to them. They shouldn’t have to be checking in on their child anymore. Heck, they’re retiring in a few years and are looking at cities they might want to live in. My mom and I were talking about that the other day. They want to be closer to their grandchildren, whom are in Arkansas. We got to talking about me. I’m not gonna lie, that was some hard shit to talk about. My parents have to live in a big enough city because of my healthcare. It’s like a stab in the chest. I want them to live wherever they want, not limit their searches because I so fucked up. I’m pretty sure when they move they will try to find a house with an apartment in the backyard or connected to their house in some way. All of this makes me feel so needy
i felt very accomplished today because I want to the grocery store and was able to shop the whole time with no panic attacks. Go consciously slowing my breathing down.
Tomorrow I’ve asked a friend to hang out with me. It’s supposed to be beautiful so I want to go to the park and walk.
I’m trying to become a butterfly. I may not see my beauty, but everyone else does.