Life isn’t always perfect

I’ve been doing so well. So fucking well! I thought I’d figured it out. Whatever the magic formula was, I was positive id figured it out. Therapy twice a week, support group every Tuesday, DBT skills training once a month, following my doctor’a orders to a tee. I was doing it all, so well my doctor and I thought I could safely come off doxepin. I mean, I was only taking it for sleep, right?

Let’s go back a bit. If you’ve read my blog, you know I’ve had many many ECTs. Saying that, I don’t exactly remember or why I went on Doxepin. All I know is it helps me with sleep. 

My doctor has told me in the past he doesn’t like Doxepin. It’s a tricyclic antidepressant. I found out tonight, after I had to call my doctor, that one of the main uses is for anxiety. Hmm that makes a lot of sense now. 

For the past half of the week I haven’t left the house, I’ve barely even left my room. Tonight is night one back on Doxepin. I should feel better by Wednesday. 

I’ve been doing outstanding in the two classes I’m taking this summer. I’m scared this slip is going to cost me in my photography class. It’s hard to go out and take photos of strangers when you can’t even leave your room. Fortunately, I have an awesome professor. Tomorrow, I plan on emailing him and letting him know what’s been happening. At the worst, I’ll need to get notes from my doctor and therapists, but I think he’ll understand. 

Tomorrow is a new day. A new hope. A new time to try and be the best I can be. 

One day I will be free. Free from mental illness, free from physical illness, and free from sin that brings me down. 

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