I’ll cry if I want to

It’s my birthday. I’m sad, not depressed, just sad. I don’t know why. Is it because only one person has acknowledged it? I don’t think so. I don’t think my birthday has anything to do with it really. 

I’m in php. This is my 12th day. I’ve had two, two week each hospitalizations since September. The second time my doctor “highly suggested” I do php. So here I am. Every weekday from 9-2 I’m here doing the hardest job I’ve ever done. Being told that everything you’ve been doing and thinking isn’t healthy so you need to unlearn it all and relearn how to think in a healthy way. Plus an hour and a half commute completely drains me. 

I don’t know what I want and more importantly I don’t know what I need. The reason I’m here is to find out. Hopefully it’ll sink in soon. 

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