At church, just sitting in my car, hesitating to go in. Everything is going right in my life. Why am I so depressed? Even though I’ll see my friends soon it doesn’t feel like they want to see me. They ask if I can record and make cds but nothing of being happy to see me. Although, they say they’re happy others are coming. It’s just like, ok, the past is swinging around to the present. 

It’s like I’m begging God to take away my pain and despair. It doesn’t work that way, and I know it. I guess it’s better than never letting him in. 

So here I go. Time to have dinner by myself.  Pick myself up and play the game one more time. 


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